Picture it: Aztec, New Mexico. An alien invasion is looming in the horizon. They have taken Los Angeles and have moved east towards Aztec, NM. Instead of Marines battling the aliens there are…Six Old Soreheads backed by the rest of the town. These Six Old Soreheads, Aztecs very own geriatric grumps, are 6 fine people elected by the town to hold one of six “Old Sorehead” titles. It will up to these six grouches to save Aztec from certain doom. They will lead a team of approximately 7,000 men, women, and children into battle. There will be farmers and ranchers, oil and gas workers, construction workers, housewives, fast food workers, cashiers, students, and toddlers ready to fight. Here in Aztec, we’re made from rough stock. We can take them, as long as we have our Six Old Soreheads.
You see, depending on who you talk to, we have a history with aliens. On March 25th, 1948, an alien ship landed here in New Mexico, and it was big news. Inside the ship were the charred remains of 16 humanoid aliens. Apparently the ship landed on its own. We don’t know if the aliens were friendly, but we do know that the aliens that are challenging our Six Old Soreheads aren’t! Who knows, they may be here because of that fateful landing. If we live to see it, there will be a pretty big turnout at the Aztec UFO Symposium. One of the bridges in the town has a UFO made of lights attached, and some nights it’s lit up. Maybe that attracted them!
Our extremely brave Six Old Soreheads will lead us in guerilla-style warfare. We will draw up battle plans in barns next to horses and cattle, and sneak through clusters of cottonwoods. Being a community of Second Amendment supporters, we will have an arsenal to rival that of armies. Amateur race car drivers from the Aztec Speedway will circle the aliens to bring about dizziness and confusion while the rock crawlers sneak in from the cliffs with heavy gun support. The oil and gas workers in the area will divert the natural gas wells into flamethrowers in an effort to take down the alien ships! The Aztec Ruins will become a safe haven for those too weak or injured to fight. Ground attacks will be lead by the Aztec High School football team; for they fight like the most ferocious of Buffalo from Wyoming.
The Six old Soreheads and the citizens of Aztec will emerge victorious. Many alien lives will be lost, and the students of Aztec High School will start assimilating the alien technology into our own. We’re coming to get you aliens! Watch out!